but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
