Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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