i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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