I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
