ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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