Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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