AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
