Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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