forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
