the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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