Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
