you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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