we made out on top of his cat.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
