My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
