I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
