Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
