Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
