I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
