11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
