this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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