We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
