she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
