this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
