I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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