I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
