I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
