I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
