i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
