I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
