we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
