dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
