she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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