Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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