I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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