Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
