wakey wakey hands off snakey
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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