I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
