the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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