we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
