my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
