You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
