Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
