if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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