i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
