you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
