i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
