we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
