her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
