Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
