the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
