dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
