Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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