just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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